I always find it a bit weird, and maybe even unsettling, that as soon as I arrive in Canada, the French part of me just disappears completely, as though it were never there in the first place. Besides Max and the bébés, I don't think about anything in France while I'm here. It's like a bad memory my brain is trying to push out and replace with the happiness and familiarity of being back in Canada. Perhaps this is why I get so upset in the airport when I have to fly back to France: the 2 sides of my life are coming back together and it's hard to consolidate them. But I've only just arrived and have lots more time to spend doing happy fun things with family and friends, so I'll worry about the stressful stuff later.
I haven't got much to say because life these past few days has been all about seeing friends, catching up on all my favourite shows, and eating my favourite foods. And more than a few trips to get me some of this:
Happy holidays to you all, wherever you may be :)
7 comments:
I really wish I could see you this year! It stinks that we are SO CLOSE and yet still so far away. (Cue the Carol King...)
Bisous ma belle!
I think everyone has their "home." For you it's more complicated because if it were just you, Canad would totally be it, but Max and the bebes are also your home. However, it seems France really isn't for you. I remember moving back to the U.S. and spending the first year really just not wanting to be here. Everything just seemed to not work for me. Still, while we're hoping to permanently move to Europe in about 5 years or so, I'm making do (to which I'm sure you can relate).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy your trip and it's filled with enough good times to get you through until the next trip!
I know what you mean. How long are you "home" for? (I put "home" because I never know what to call the USA and SA- they are both "home"). I guess I'm not as unhappy in SA as I could be, but being in the USA feels so natural, so relaxed. Every time I come home, I make a list of all the experiences and things I MUST eat to feel connected and happy. Seeing friends is a little tough because they are all still working, and I have to fit into their lives a little, which sucks. Also, having to borrow/share a vehicle is a little hard. This trip, my focus is a little different since I'm pregnant...
Hi, I agree with Kate above. It seems to me that France is just not for you. :( I think it's natural to feel like you never left once you get 'home' but what's worrisome is that you get upset once you have to go back. I have the same reaction when I have to back to France and I know that this means it's simply not the country for me...
I missed my 'home' when I moved to the States, but I was never really upset when I was going back and it went slowly away within the first 3-4 years...so being here for 6 years and being able to speak fluent French should have made things easier on you. In any case, have a great time in Canada and please have a peppermint mocha for me...can't get it here...
best,
Izabela
Juliet - I wish we could have met up this year too. It will happen one day though. Promise. Bisous and have an awesome trip to France :)
Kate - I think this concept of ''home'' has always been lost on me because the only fixed home I've ever had is my parents' house. I left for uni at 19 and lived in 4 different places while I was there, then moved straight to France after graduation and have moved 7 times in 7 years. They say home is where the heart is, but my heart is in 2 places and I cant seem to shake the homesickness :(
Lovely Light - I totally get what you mean. I just miss how relaxed and easy life in Canada is. France is by no means a horrible place to live, but it's never felt right for me. Enjoy your trip to the US and take care of yourself and bébé :)
Izabela - it's nice to hear that someone has similar feelings as me. A lot of people cannot understand why I havent embraced life in France. I think everyone is sensitive to certain things, and there are things in France that I know I will never be able to accept/ignore in order to be happier. But we'll see...life is a journey, right? Consider the peppermint mocha consumed :)
Know you're having a great time. Enjoy it to the last drop (Starbucks reference!). I agree there is always a war between the two parts of me. It's not easy being an expat! We can say it over and over. But interesting, I suppose...Merry Christmas.
You always seem unhappy whenever you write about France. Would it possible to find a way to go back to Canada? Would Max consider it? Even for a year of two? I know he has a job which ties him to France at the moment, but there have to be opportunities for him in Canada too, surely? I do hope things work out for you xx
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